The leading expert in the field of suicide prevention, Dr. John Draper, defines the three Cs of suicide crisis response as connection, collaboration, and choice. Connection implies that the person in crisis is made to feel understood and not isolated. Collaboration involves working collaboratively with the individual to investigate and identify potential solutions. Choice involves empowering the individual by involving them in the decision-making process for their care and recovery.

Not often do you hear people talk about the more sinister aspects of having a suicide in a family. The collateral damage of it all. For my family, it was a Saturday afternoon while my sister and I sat on the carpeted playroom floor, coloring fuzzy cat posters with markers, while Nana sat in her reclining chair watching Judge Judy on TV. The phone rang, a landline of course; it was summertime, July 1997. Nana slammed in her recliner and shuffled her feet across the carpet over to the phone near the kitchen. Apartments in the Heights are decent but not too generous in size. There are many of them in the projects, thin walls, and so much outside noise daily, but today felt eerily quiet for some reason. I only remember thinking about coloring and how cool my poster would be when I hung it up in my bedroom—a bedroom in a new apartment, with new people, that didn’t quite feel like home yet to me. My Father had just met and moved in with his 3rd girlfriend in 2 years (2 of whom he had had children with during that time, not being a part of our lives now), being a part of our lives now full-time. I came here every weekend, to my Nana’s house, to spend time with my brother, sister, cousins, aunts and uncles, and maternal grandmother, per a court order. A court order fought and won by my Nana that granted me time to grow up with my sister and brother, whom she had adopted and obtained legal custody of. My sister and I sat there coloring while Nana answered the phone. In a moment, all you could hear was Nana wailing. A gut-wrenching cry that now, as an adult, I have come to know as a cry only a mother can produce, and anyone who has heard one knows what I am talking about. As she screamed and cried out loud, all she just kept saying was “No No No No No.” She then hung up the phone and started making calls to people that “Angie’s DEAD, ANGIE IS DEAD.” What I remember next is in bits and pieces, fragmented and scattered. I remember my father being called — he and his new gf showing up at my Nana’s apartment to get me early from the visit. They all cried and hugged and said their apologies. I hugged my sister, and then we left. That day, until the Funeral, was the last time we spoke of “it”— and too, every day after.

We saw them again at the funeral my father was reluctant to bring us to. He conceded to my Aunt’s request, saying, “It’s her Mother. She needs to see her Mother one last time to say goodbye.” We walked into the church, my Aunt immediately taking my hand, fingers interlaced, and leading me down the aisle to an open casket of my Mother’s body. My Aunt took my hand up and over the casket, ran my fingers through her hair, and said, “Isn’t she so beautiful.” I don’t remember much after that, but I do remember crying, shaking, being extremely confused and uncomfortable, and then sitting next to my father while a stranger, a priest, spoke about my Mother and her life. My Father, angry with my Aunt, gathered me and dispersed immediately after the services, not to mingle with my family afterward. Leaving my Mother’s funeral that day started a journey for me. A battle against a written legacy that would become the hardest part of waking up every day and deciding whether or not I, too, wanted to live. That very moment started me on a trajectory that would play a hand in almost every choice I’ve made leading up to this very moment that I’m sitting down writing this for the world to read. My Mothers addiction and subsequent suicide would become one of the most defining factors in my life, regardless of how much I’ve tried to ignore it, ignore what happened, who my mother was, who my family is, who I am, and the roles everyone played in her death and life, as well as mine.

The more sinister aspects of suicide you won’t hear people speak on often is the bullying, the scrutiny, the questions, the judgment, the assumptions, the legacy, and more than all of that combined — the collateral damage. Being bullied as a child for having a parent who has killed themselves is an indescribable pain. Children, as well as, unfortunately, adults, can say the cruelest things to children in these moments when, in reality, the utmost tenderness and care is required to overcome these challenges. When you experience such a defining moment in your life that causes such trauma and pain your mind and body never forget the subsequent pain. From that moment forward, I was the girl who could, possibly, become everything people claimed my Mother to be — an addict who would end up in jail or worse— dead. The earliest age I remember an adult saying, within earshot distance, that I was “going to end up just like my Mother” was 8 years old. This was terrifying, of course, because I took it quite literally at that age and worried for many years that I was sick inside and would, too, want to kill myself around the same age as my Mother had. The most recent time in my life I have had to hear that messaging was 32 years old. The collateral damage of suicide follows you throughout your life like a shadow, just waiting to pop out when you least expect it to. Growing up as a child of a parental suicide, I can tell you that there will be too many people around you trying to perpetuate the message that you too are destined to live out the same life as your parent — as if it’s our legacy to only suffer and die as they did.

My Mother wasn’t just an addict, she was a person who struggled greatly with her demons and childhood traumas of sexual and physical abuse. She contended with those demons by using substances and indulgences that conflicted with who she was at her core: a loving, kind, caring, bright, hilarious, nurturing, beautiful woman. How she contended with her demons may not be the way I’ve contended with mine, but she deserves to be humanized. Her addictions were heavily demonized by the ‘90s messaging and policies of “Tough on Crime.” Most of which was targeted at disadvantaged communities and subsequent addicts on the streets. Landing her, instead of in a treatment facility for drug abuse and addiction, in jail under the 3-strike rule for possession. Had my Mother been a child during a time when she could’ve been helped properly, it would’ve made all the difference, of course — but that isn’t how this story goes. My Mother struggled greatly with the untreated traumas she suffered, and those traumas ultimately got passed onto our family the day she took her own life. While she detoxed in a jail cell, she wrote letters to various family members, which are now in my possession — begging for someone to visit her, listen to her, help her, and not give up on her. At 33 years old, she hung herself in her jail cell with her bedsheets less than a month after being arrested, in active addiction, and incarcerated at Framingham State Prison — while being held in the closed custody unit under suicide watch. To which the prison guards and medical staff didn’t take seriously enough, ultimately leading to her death.

While my Mother’s suicide is not my siblings’ or my legacy, it is our history, and it’s an important story that must be told. If even one person resonates with this story and decides to get the help they need and deserve, saving a life and possibly the lives of their children, then it was worth being told. Suicide leaves an echo that reverberates off following generations until someone decides to write a new story. Here is a story about a girl who decided addiction and suicide weren’t her legacy to leave behind, but a lesson in empathy and compassion and the ability to seek help from professional outside sources when necessary. Suicide — while it will always leave a wake of wreckage in its path for every family it touches, it doesn’t have to be a legacy for the families and children it leaves behind.

If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please contact
The Suicide and Crisis Hotline
24/7 Availability
TEXT OR CALL 988
or visit
988lifeline.org

Additional Suicide Prevention, Mental Health, and Addiction Resources:

2024 National Strategy for Suicide Prevention - Suicide is an urgent and growing public health crisis. More than 49,000 people in the United States died by suicide in 2022. That’s one death every 11 minutes. The 2024 National Strategy for Suicide Prevention is a bold new 10-year, comprehensive, whole-of-society approach to suicide prevention that provides concrete recommendations for addressing gaps in the suicide prevention field. This coordinated and comprehensive approach to suicide prevention at the national, state, tribal, local, and territorial levels relies upon critical partnerships across the public and private sectors. People with lived experience are critical to the success of this work. The National Strategy seeks to prevent suicide risk in the first place; identify and support people with increased risk through treatment and crisis intervention; prevent reattempts; promote long-term recovery; and support survivors of suicide loss.

Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services - The SAMHSA Organization is the agency within the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) that leads public health efforts to advance the behavioral health of the nation and to improve the lives of individuals living with mental and substance use disorders and their families.

Find a Treatment Center Near You - A confidential and anonymous resource for persons seeking treatment for mental and substance use disorders in the United States and its territories.

National Helpline - 1-800-662-HELP (4357) - SAMHSA’s National Helpline is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service (in English and Spanish) for individuals and families facing mental and/or substance use disorders.

Publications - Suicide is a leading cause of death. Many factors can increase the risk for suicide or protect against it. This page is a collection of surveys, publications, reports, and journal articles about suicide and suicide prevention.

Data Resources - This page contains data sources for injury prevention, including WISQARS, along with other sources from the CDC, federal agencies, and non-federal agencies.

Suicide Prevention Resource for Action - CDC’s Suicide Prevention Resource for Action (Prevention Resource) details the strategies with the best available evidence to reduce suicide. The Prevention Resource can help states and communities prioritize suicide prevention activities most likely to have an impact. The programs, practices, and policies in the Prevention Resource can be tailored to the needs of populations and communities.

SPECIES, GROUPS, & CREATURES:

Martax Faeries: 🦁

Low Fae

High Fae

High Lords

Urisk Faeries

Picts: the 3 faeries that took Feyre at Calanmai night.

Female Fae: Has 2 cycles a year. Much worse than when Feyre was human and had them. 10-month pregnancies.

Puca Creatures: Use your desires to lure you to your death

Suriel Faeries: Answer any questions you have for them. Old & wicked. In groves of birch trees in western woods, feed on chickens. Hate crossing water. Older than the world & fae. Offer them a new robe and they'll grovel at ur feet.

Naga Faeries: made of hate rot, and shadow. Can smell humans. Covered in dark scales. Yellow teeth.

Cousin of the Naga: monstrous, scaled thing. Thundering on all four. Serpentine face with bone-shredding white teeth. Seen by Feyre at the war camp of Hybern.

Attor: winged creature, invisible. Talons. Feyre killed the attor that worked for the King of Hybern when they attacked Velaris and killed the 6th Queen, Vassa during the attack.

High Priestesses: oversaw ceremonies and rituals. Recorded history and legends. Advised Lords and Ladies in matters great and trivial. 12 of them all together.

Middengard Wyrm: the 1st trial Feyre fought against. Can't see. They rely on scent.

Children of the Blessed: Acolytes. Humans in the Mortal world who spread the word of the Priestesses.

Illyrians: war-band clans. Were on Amarantha's side during her reign. Warrior race in the Night Court lands. Have killing power, not much else beyond that. They are not High Fae, but have lords and a hierarchy amongst their people. Warmongering people. They live in clans and camps deep in the mountains. Rich with stories and traditions but backward with how they treat females. Barbarians. Clip the wings of women when they get their first period, for breeding. Illyrians only possess magic the night before the Blood Rite to winnow the drugged boys to the mountain; no one knows why.

Daemati: Can walk in another person's mind. Rare. The trait appears as mother wills it. Dangerous to encounter another more skillfully trained daemati without proper training urself.

Water Wraiths: nude with teeth sharp as pikes. Coal black eyes. Webbed fingers and jagged nails. Nose was just 2 slits. And gills beneath her ears. Feyre gave one of them the jewels for the tithe, so they did her a favor.

Shadowsingers: Rare. Coveted by courts. Kind of like deamatis. Have stealth and the predisposition to hear and feel things others can't.

Wraiths: Shadow and mist. Able to walk through walls, stone, anything. Skittish. They make good spies.

Bogge Creatures: can't look at it. Coldness. If u look at it and acknowledge it, it can kill you. Lesser shadows compared to Lanthys.

Goat Legged Fawns:

Death Gods: The Carver, The Weaver, Their Brother, and Nesta?

Seraphim: Drakons people. They are winged. Their wings are feathered. Their people allow women to fight, lead, and rule. All are gifted with the magic of Wind and Air.

Peregryns: related to Drakons Seraphim people. Winged people. Amarnatha delighted in ripping out their feathers and made a dress of them.

Dogs of Autumn Court: Grey and sleek like smoke. Very expensive. Very rare. Forbade to leave or be sold beyond the autumn court's boundaries. Only nobility owns. Extremely good at hunting and sniffing out prey. Fast as the wind. Eris has 12.

Valkyries: A clan of female warriors. Existed for millennia. A title, not a race of ppl, but similar to Illyrians. Every Fae type, recruited from birth or early childhood. 3 training stages: Novice, Blade, and Valkyrie. Being one was a high honor in their land. Territory is gone now. Wiped out during the war 500 years ago. Cassian's first lover was from the ranks of the Valkyries, Tanwyn. They battled against the Illyrians and lost, while Cassian was tied up for speaking up. Merrill is writing a book on them and their techniques. Mind stilling is a technique of theirs.

Kelpie: 'Water-Horses, Nixies'. One of the first true monsters of the Faeries. Shape shifters who dwelled in the lakes and rivers and lured unwittingly people to their deaths, and after they drowned, they feasted on them. Vanished hundreds of years before Cass and Az were born. Survivors fled to the Middle after being hunted. The Bog of Oorid. The most ancient Fae and humans believed them to be river Gods and sacrificed to them. They don't reproduce. The one who took Nesta spoke in a 15k-year-old dialect of tongue.

Lightsingers: lovely, ethereal beings. Will lure you, appearing as friendly faces. Only when you’re in their arms do they reveal their true faces. Then they drown you for sport, not food. The Bog of Oorid.

CHARACTERS:

Feyre (Fay-Ruh) Archeron: Feyre Cursebreaker. Youngest sister, paints. Killed 4 faeries so far. Taken by Tamlin. Now a mortal soul in an immortal body. Now has the powers of all 7 Highlords that saved her with their light and magic after Amarantha snapped her neck. Emissary to the Night Court for the human realm. Golden dirty blonde hair.

Nesta: Feyres oldest sister by 3yrs. Glamour didn't work on her mind. She remembered everything from the night Feyre was taken by Tamlin and Lucien. She was taken to Hybern after Ianthe sold her and Elain out to the King of Hybern. She “took something” from the cauldron that it wants back. She's Hybern's top priority. Cassian is in love with her. She's very cold and mean. Loves and worries about Elain. Trained in dance and loves music. A trapped wolf in a cage, as her sisters describe her.

Elain: Feyre's older, middle sister, gardens. Was to be wed to a fae-hating son. Was put into the cauldron at Hybern after Ianthe sold her and Nesta out to the King of Hybern. The cauldron made her a Seer. Is a mate with Lucien.

Feyre's Father: Has a busted knee. Didn't do much for their dying mother or his 3 girls to help them. Does wood working, carvings. A merchant when he was wealthy. Traded all over the continent. The Prince of Merchants. Discovered the humans’ Queens were traitors, began gathering a human army overseas. Found Queen Vassa.

Andras: the 🐺 Faerie Feyre killed, sentinel, sentry for Tamlin. Willingly went into the woods to help break Tamlin & Pyrithian's curse. Let Feyre kill him in the woods.

Tamlin: High Fae, the master, blonde Golden Hair, Golden mask with emeralds, green tunic, leather baldric, green eyes, warrior clothes. High Lord of the Spring Court. Did the great right passage. Father was against the humans in the war and had slaves. Family died. Says he's not like his family. Owns 1 of 5 crowns of his bloodline; emeralds, sapphires, amethysts, and gold.

Tamlin & Rhys: Rhys had taught Tamlin Illyrian techniques. Tamlins father was threatened and disapproved. Tamlins father and brother had slain Rhys’ mother and sister. He put their heads in boxes and sent them down the river to the nearest war camp. Rhys's father and his went to Spring Court and slayed his brothers and father. Rhys's father slays Tamlins mother too. Went to kill Tamlin as well, but Rhys stopped him. Tamlin killed Rhys' father on sight.

Ianthe: High Priestess, high fae noble, childhood friend of Tamlin. Ordained by Hand of the Goddess. Pale blue-grey hooded robe. Belt of sky blue, limpid oval stones with silver settings. A matching circlet atop her hood was made of silver with an oval center stone. Gold hair. Teal eyes. 1 of 12. Family ran away to Vallahan for 50 years when the war started.

Lucien Vanserra: Courtier and emissary to Tamlin, Long Red hair, muted silver tunic. Half bronze mask with fox features, a slash scar from eyebrow to jaw, missing an eye, Golden eye orb. Lost an eye to Amarantha in the war. She’d done it to hurt Tamlin. He’s the youngest son of the High Lord of the Autumn court. Youngest of 7 brothers. Fell in love with a low fae, Jesminda, that his father had executed in front of him & his brother. Brothers & Father are not good faeries. Father and Mother are dead.

Beron: Luciens father. High Lord of the Autumn Court. Cruel and vain.

Kallias: High Lord of the Winter Court. Quiet and cunning. Pale skin and ice blue eyes. White hair. Mated.

Viviane: Kallias' wife. Silver hair. Pale. Sapphire eyes. Guarded the small city and its people on the border during Amarantha's reign. Kallias professed his love and warned her. She didn't get captured. The day it ended he winnowed to her and asked to marry her. Mated.

Helion Spell-Cleaver: High Lord of Day Court. 1 thousand libraries, looted by Amarantha. Courts ppl excel at spell work, & archived knowledge on Prythian. Glowing dark skin, crown of golden spikes, onyx hair. The Sun personified. Entourage in cobalt, crimson, and amethyst. Some with kohl liner. Has 1,000 libraries. Rumored to contain the knowledge of the world. Amber eyes. Save Lucien's mother at the start of the war from Amarantha's beasts. They had an ongoing affair. Lucien is believed to be his son. He deeply loved his mother, but she chose to be with Beron.

Alis: (Alice) a servant woman, round, brown hair, brass bird mask, a servant. Low fae. Urisk faerie. Protected her nephews during the war by going to work for Tamlin. From summer court. Fled with her 2 nephews after her sister was killed during Amaranta's reign.

Faeries that died: Illyrian Fae Blue skin, gangly limbs, and black onyx hair, used to be winged. Wings likely cut off by Amarantha during the war. From summer court, the Faerie that died from his wings being cut off on the dining room of Tamlins house.

Rhysand/Rhys: blue Black hair, pale skin, deep blue eyes almost violet. Black tunic and clothes, and knee high black boots. Saved Feyre from the 3 faeries on the night of the Calanmai. High Lord of the Night court. Can walk through walls. Has bat-like wings. His mother was Illyrian. Thousands of years old. The strongest High Fae. His mother was illyrian, saved by his father so they wouldn't clip her wings. Was beloved. His father was not; he was cruel and cold. Saved Feyre in her trials. Killed Amarantha. Family was allied with the humans. Illyrian Tattoos all over his chest. Twin tattoos on his knees; a towering mountain crowned by 3 stars.

Nyx: Feyre & Rhys baby. Born winged and saved by Nesta during birth. Dark hair. Blue eyes.

Morrigan: Mor. Rhys "cousin." Golden Hair. Turquoise clothes. Rich brown eyes. Last surviving family member of Rhys. Third in command. Around the same age as Rhys. High fae pure blood. Born in the Court of Nightmares. Her family ruled the North before Rhys's father. Court overseer. Oversees dynamics between court of Nightmares and court of dreams. Runs both Valaris and Hewn City. Considered a Queen. Was to be sold to Eris in marriage. She slept with Cassian to ruin her marriage with Eris. They nailed a note to her body and dumped her on the Autumn Court's borders. Azriel found her. Has a Seraphim blade gifted to her by Drakon during the war. Has a mare, Ellia.

Kier: Morrigan's father. Steward of Hewn City, the Court of Nightmares.

Amren: Female. 15,000-year-old creature. Second in command. Glossy straight bob cut black hair. Tan. Silver eyes. Was something else before being made fae, kind of like Feyre. Strong. Doesn't eat people food? Was once a prisoner of the Prison. Rhys's political adviser. A walking library. Worse than Rhys or Feyre. If unleashed would kill everything. Her imprisonment predates Prythian and the 7 courts. Was in The Prison a few millennia. Drinks only blood. Vampire? Prefers lamb and goat blood, which reminds her of another time and place. She escaped the prison by yielding her grace and immortality and bounding herself to her fae, but mortal, body. Then her cell door unlocked and opened. If her brothers and sisters knew they'd find her and bring her back. She could not feel anything at all, except wrath, curiosity, and loyalty. But not the full spectrum of emotions. She was a messenger, a soldier-assassin for an old God who ruled over a young world. Went into the Prison during the Age of Legends: a time when the land was full of heroic figures who hunted down the last members of their former masters' race. They feared her and imprisoned her.

Azriel: Allegiance to Rhys. Part of Rhys' inner circle. Spymaster. Unreadable. Has an obsidian-hilted hunting knife at his thigh, embossed with a line of silver runes. Hand covered in burns. Has wings. Illyrian. Has jewels on the backs of his hands called Siphons, used to focus power in battle. The bastard of a local illyrian Lord. A shadowsinger. His brothers put oil and fire on him and burned his hands. Met Rhys and Cassian at war prep camp, and they befriended him. He is a bastard child. He was locked in his father's dungeons until he was 11.

Cassian: Allegiance to Rhys. Part of Rhys' inner circle. Army commander. Has wings. Illyrian. Has jewels on the backs of his hands called Siphons, used to focus power in battle. He is a bastard child. Met Rhys at camp. Rhys mother raised him, took him in.

Madja: The healer, Rhys mains healer, in Velaris.

Amarnatha: For 50 years was high Lord over all of Prythian. Use to be a general for the king of Hybern but defected and took over Prythian lands. She is the bligth. Cursed Tamlin and the lands with the King of Hyberns' spellbook. Red gold hair, snow white skin, Ebony eyes.

Nuala & Cerridwen: Night court. Twins. Handmaidens. Were Feyre's handmaidens under the mountain for Amarantha. Now back in the Night Court, serving Rhys as handmaidens. Half Wraiths & half High Fae. Trained by Azriel first. Listen to both Azriel and Rhys.

Lady of the Autumn Court: Luciens mother. Porcelain skin, red hair.

Eris: Eldest son of the High Lord of the Autumn Court. Luciens brother. Cruel. Was to be given Mor in a sale for marriage.

Tarquin: High Lord of the Summer court. White hair crystal, turquoise blue eyes, rich mahogany /brown skin. Spends the last month of winter and first spring months in Adriata. Few surviving members of his family after the Amarantha war. Was a sailor and led the Nostrus fleet with Varian. 80 years old. 30 when the war started.

Thesan: Lord of Dawn Court. Brown skin and hair, kissed with gold. A man whose trove is in knowledge. Has 1,000 libraries. His people are tinkerers and clockmakers.

Nuan: a craftsperson from the Court. Kind of looks like Amren. Except her eyes are dark as Onyx. Sharp chin. Round cheeks. Uptilted eyes. A skilled alchemist. Has a metal hand. Made Lucien's eye.

Brutius: He was killed under the mountain by Rhys, using mind control magic, to spare Lord Tarquin during Amarantha's reign. He was caught trying to sneak out of the tunnels to meet with his gathered forces in his cities. Tarquins cousin.

Nostrus: Tarquins predecessor and cousin. Amarantha killed him during the war when he rebelled and then executed his entire family.

Cresseida: Princess of the capital city of Adriata in the Summer court. Tarquin's wife or the ruler of the capital? Long silver hair. Brown eyes.

Varian: Cresseida's younger brother. Prince of Adirata. Captain of Tarquin's guard. Summer court.

Hart & Bron: Hart asks questions about her tattoo and Rhys, at the party.

Jurian: tricked Amarantha's sister into love to get information from her to win the war. He killed her sister. He was then captured and tortured by Amarantha. His eye, soul, and finger bone were worn by her until her death, and then they disappeared.

Miryam: the 3rd only other who was something else before being made fae. Hasn't been heard from in centuries. Was gifted a long life but not a new body. Jurian's former lover. Jurian believes she's dead, she's not. Half human, half fae. Her mother was a human slave in the Black Land and was against the conception. Born in shackles. She was a healer for Jurian's army for the warriors after escaping the Queen when she was let go by Drakon. Had died from a spear through her heart at the last battle at the sea. Drakon carried her to Cretea, a hidden island, where an object of great and terrible power had been concealed, to resurrect her. Made her immortal. When Miryam freed her people from the Queen of the Black Land, she led 50,000 of them across the desert to the shores of the Erythrian Sea. The ships they'd arranged for were destroyed by the Queen herself.

Drakon: Had won Miryams heart. Lives on an island with her and their children. Is a Prince. Fought in the war 500 years ago alongside Mor and Miryam. Coveted his allies lover, Miryam. Cut off his engagement with the Queen and sought after the slave girl Miryan for 3 years after letting her go. Has a winged legion. His people are called Seraphim, they are winged. Their wings are feathered. Parted the sea to let the humans run away. White wings, honey brown skin.

Nephelle: Cartographer from Drakon's people. Wings were small and 1 was deformed. Was in love with Drakons general. Noticed Miryam was skewered by the Queen. Became Miryam's dearest friend. She saved her by going back for Miryam and flying her back across the sea as they couldn't part it any longer. "The Nephelle Philosophy" is that someone's greatest weakness can sometimes be one's greatest strength. They have the "Nephelle Run" on land every year to commemorate what happened. Married her wife.

Andromache: a human Queen. Friend of Nephelle and her wife. Was with Morrigan. During the war. But then the wall went up. She married a man and bore 5 children. Died an old lady in her bed.

The Bone Carver: Inmate at the prison. Appears to you as he wants. May appear to be different for someone standing right next to you. Carved all the inmates' doors in the prison. Appears to Feyre as a small boy with blue eyes (the one she had killed during trials?) Appeared to Rhys as Jurian. Feyre gave it the calf-bone that she killed the Wyrm with in the trials, as payment. Given truths for answered questions. Is an old God that lived on earth before High Fae or anyone. Ruled the mountains, rivers, and forests. Is Twins with the Weaver, Stryga.

The Weaver of the Wood / Stryga: blind, but its other senses are lethal. Can sense objects that are out of place and aren't already around her. In the large empty neutral territory between the north and the south. Thick, black, long hair with grey wrinkled skin. Spins and weaves yarn made likely from creatures. Twins with The Carver in the Prison. Has an older brother, Koschei. She was tricked into diminishing her powers and gets bound to the Middle. The Fae that tricked her is gone, but the bloodline still runs through some human bloodlines. A death God. Found a way to eat life itself and stay young forever.

Koschei the Deathless: Bound to the lake in the middle like his sister, The Weaver. A death God. Stronger than the Carver. Older than the sea. Truly immortal. Wants to free himself. Outsmarted & confined to the lake with an ancient spell.

• Sorcerer Lord: The 6th Queen was sold to him and he cursed her. Possess an Onyx box, more vital than anything. He keeps other girls. There is a lake deep in the continent. Hidden amongst mountains and ancient forests. He keeps them all at the lake.

Bryaxis: Beneath the main Library, in Velaris. Similar to Amren, the Weaver, and the Carver. Made a bargain with Feyre for company to tell him about life. Made another bargain with him to help them on the battlefield in exchange for a window to the moonlight, starlight, and sunlight above his home, didn't want to leave.

Queens Of The Realm: Mortal Queens. Holding the 2nd book. Can Winnow. Was given the gift of winnow from fae. Made the original alliance with Morrigan after the war and the treaty was made. Can only 'winnow' when several are together. Different from how fae winnow. Allied with Hybern in exchange for going into the cauldron for immortality.

1. Eldest, wrinkled with brown skin.

2. Middle aged, dark skinned. Smiling. Black and white gowns. Matching silver ring with #3.

3. Middle aged, pale skin. Frowning. Black and white gown. Matching silver ring with #2

4. Briallyn: youngest. Black hair. Black eyes. Careful, cunning. Went into the cauldron but came out a crone and very old.

5. Demetra: Final queen at the meeting. Beautiful. Also Youngest. No older than 30. Curly Golden Hair. Amber eyes. Brown freckled skin. The only good, uncompromised queen. Gave them the 2nd book of her own free will. Was killed and dropped onto the light post by the Attor, at Velaris, at the start of the war in the Night Court.

6. Vassa: was unwell and couldn't make the journey. Was actually not unwell. Was cursed when sold to some darkness, sorcerer Lord. Firebird by day, human by night. Mid 20s. Lucien is looking for her on the continent. Reddish gold hair, thick dark lashes, blue eyes. Freckles. Golden brown skin. Has an alliance with Jurian & Lucien.

Lord Devlon: leader of the Illyrian war camp where Rhysand’s mother once lived. His mother's house is there. Trained Rhys and Cassian.

King of Hybern: Looked like in his 40s. Had the cauldron. Castle made of human bone.

Prince Dagdan: Nephew of the King of Hybern. Twins

Princess Brannagh: Niece of the King of Hybern. Twins

The Library Priestesses: They either stay forever in the library or may leave. All are there to heal from suffering. Go to services at Dawn and Dusk and on Holy Days. Honor the Mother, the Cauldron, and the Forces that Be.

• Clotho: A Priestess in the Night Court who works at the library. One of dozens who work there. They are special & unique. Her hands were very gnarled. Fingers pointing every which way. Rhys said she was hurt badly by a group of men. They cut out her tongue so she couldn't say who hurt her and smashed her hands so she couldn't write.

• Gwyneth Berdara: Gwyn. Wears her hood down. Robes of an acolyte. Copper, chestnut, pin straight hair. Teal eyes. Freckles across nose and cheeks. Young and slender. Fae and human? Was an acolyte in Sangravah, raped when Hyber ransacked it looking for the leg of the Cauldron. Keeps her stone in her pocket, not on her head. Feels she's not worthy to. Is 1/4 River Nymph. Her grandmother seduced a High Fae male from Autumn Court. Her mother was raised in Sangravah. Partook in the Great Rite and mother's twins with a stranger Fae man. No one came inquiring about the twins. Her twin had the webbed fingers, not her. Chose to train. Had a fraternal twin sister named Catrin: onyx hair, pale moon skin, moody as the sea. Notable Quote: "I am the rock against which the surf crashes."

• Roslin: Wears her hood up. Chose to train. Hadn't stepped foot outside in 60 years. Wine red hair. Pale. Caramel eyes.

• Deidre: Wears her hood up. Chose to train. Brown skin. Has a scar across her face, almost hitting her left eye. Curly black hair. Round dark eyes. Another scar on her neck disappearing beneath her robe.

• Merrill: Gwyn works for her getting specific books. Snow white hair. Light brown skin. Twilight sky eyes. Always doing research. Has Gwyn working under her. Descendant of Rabath, Lord of the Western Wind.

• Riven: Arrived 80 years ago. Not keen on talking to strangers.

• Ananke: Chose to train. Golden hair. Pale skin.

• Ilana: Training

• Lorelei: Training

Briar: Child of the Blessed that was captured by Hybern and rescued by Feyre and Azriel at the war camp when they were rescuing Elain.

Ressina: Feyre saw her for the first time standing outside her paint shop with a rusted pipe when Hybern had attacked Velaris. Saw her again afterwards and invited her to paint one a week at her shop. They paint things that "need telling."

Emerie: Her father didn't come back from the Hybern war. Had a fairly new, 10-year-old, wooden building with 2 floors. Clothier. Sold Cassian all the winter gloves and coats for the needy and delivered them. Loves to cook with spices and reads smut. Inherited the shop due to laws that Rhys changed way back. Before, a woman couldn’t own their fathers' property once they died.

• Proteus: Her father who cut her wings off. He was said to have done worse, too.

• Bellius: Emeries male cousin. Set on taking her shop over.

Blue Annis: in The Prison. Cobalt skin and iron claws. Savored eating her prey.

The Daglan: Fae creators. Near-Gods and monsters. Ruled for millennia. Enslaved Faeries and humans. Drank the magic of the land like wine. Faerie Fionn raised up against them with the sword of Gwyndion that was given to him by the High Priestess Oleanna. They both overthru the Daglan.

Fionn: Had 1,000 years of peace, then the brink of war. He made himself High King of the precursor to the 7 courts. First and only High King. He was overthrown by his Queen and his dearest friend, his General. Then the 7 High Lords rose.

Lanthys: One of the First Gods. No physical form, but keen and vicious. Could turn into wind and rip air from lungs, turn into water and drown u dry. Fathered a race of faeries, the Bogge. Evil. No mercy or sense of right or wrong. Feasts on fear and pain and flesh. Cassian tricked and trapped him in the prison by using its arrogance against it. Tricked it into a mirror on a bet. More than 15k years old.

• Bogge Creatures: can't look at it. Coldness. If u look at it and acknowledge it, it can kill you. Lesser shadows compared to Lanthys.

LOCATIONS:

The Mortal Lands: where the humans were cast to after the war. South of the wall. Created from the treaty after the war.

Hybern: Fae kingdom overseas to the West. Wester Faerie kingdom is ruled by a wicked, powerful king. The throne is made of human bones, of the humans that no longer exist in the kingdom. Was at war 500 yrs ago with Pyrithians. Looking for the Cauldron. Has an army of 200,000 and alliances with Vallhan, Montesere, and Rask, on the Continent.

The Continent: the faerie lands and mortal lands in the south combined. Over seas to the East.

• Vallahan: Norther Faerie territory over seas. Has a numbered army.

• Montesere: Has a lot of $. Fae territory.

• Rask: Has both a large army and $. It is a large territory. Fae territory

• Scythia: Along the wall to the east. Smallest of the human Queens' realms. Rich in trade and arms. Horse people.

Prythian: Faerie lands, started with a Cauldron, Ruled by 7 Highlords. North of the wall.

4 Season Courts: Each of these courts is in its respective perpetual season. Their High Lords’ powers control the season. Seasonal Courts.

Spring Court: Thorns and roses. Tamlins. Wind Magic. Borders the wall.

Summer Court: Alis is from. High Lord Tarquin. The weaver. Adriata; the castle city of the Summer court. Has 4 main cities in this territory. Water magic. Where the 1st Book was.

• Adriata: castle city of the Summer court.

Autumn Court: Cutthroat. Fire magic. Lord Beron, Lucien's father is High Lord.

Winter Court: High Lord Kallias. Carved sleighs were their preferred mode of transportation, hauled by reindeer. Towering palaces. Relied on the great white bears to protect the realm. Amarnatha slaughtered dozens of their children during her reign.

3 Solar Courts: Adhere to the laws of nature.

Dawn Court: solar court. Lord Thesan. Has the glow of a permanent sunrise. Has other small cities that specialized in Clockwork and tinkering and clever things.

Day Court: solar court. Lord Helion. Has 1,000 libraries. Rumored to contain the knowledge of the world. Borders night court.

Night Court: ppl can walk through walls. 1 of 3 solar courts. Adhere to the laws of nature. But more exquisite. Nights are so spectacular that some people rise at sunset and go to bed at dawn just to live under the starlight. Had an allegiance with the humans in the war. The largest of all the courts.

• Court of Dreams / Velaris: The city of starlight. Night court. Where Rhys has 2 townhouses: 1 for family and one for formal business. Both with major wards up to keep anything out you want. Walls are well protected and haven't been breached in 5,000 years. No one with ill intent enters the city. Unseen by anyone in the other courts ever because of its wards. "The House of Wind" is his other house in the city. Sidra River runs through the south bend of the city. Known for its artists, "the rainbow of Valaris"

• Court of Nightmares: Mors father, Kier, rules in Rhys sted. Full of the people who hated Rhys but not enough to rebel against him. He gave them the city. They rule themselves. Amarnatha modeled her own city after this. Thought it was reflective of who Rhys was. It is not reflective of Rhys's true self

• The House of Wind: Rhys other house inside the city of Valaris. Warded against ppl Winnowing inside. 10,000 steps to it, walk or fly there only options. The public house Rhys has in the city. Bigger and for their gatherings. Have to either fly or walk the steps.

• Hewn City: in the Night Court beneath the mountain. Not warded. Given to Amarantha when the war started.

• The Prison: in the Night Court territory. On an island in the Western Isles. Only rock and grass and mist and sea. Freezing, deserted, barren. Made before high Lords existed and Prythian was born. Can't winnow or fly in, must hike and walk the long way up the mountain and into it. Gates of bone at the entrance. The guards dwell within the rock and only come out at feeding or for restless prisoners. The guards are shadows of an ancient spell. The island may even be an 8th court, but it falls under Night Court jurisdiction. Inmates can never be freed. No doors and no lights.

• Cesere: Where the high Priestesses reside. Northern most outpost in the Night Court. Town. A Temple 🛕 here was raided by the King of Hybern for the foot of the cauldron. These Priestesses were not like Ianthe. A small city in the north.

• Athelwood: a 300-acre Estate northwest of Velaris. Comes with 6 horses. Morrigans. Rolling hills, streams, ancient forests, and seas. Has an extensive library.

• The Library: Huge. Has a black pit in the middle that Cassian was dared to go down into 200 years ago. Said it's better left unseen and undisturbed. All of the women there have been saved. They can come and go as they please. Most have become Priestesses. Everyone who enters must take an oath to do no harm while inside. Bryaxis lives at the bottom the center of it. Books go deep below where there is no lights. The Priestesses have dormitories above that have windows. Glamored from sight by Rhys.

• Ramiel: A sacred mountain in the Night Court. Heart of Illyria. None permitted except during the Blood Rite. The Onyx monolith is at its summit. The 1st to reach its peak after the week won.

• Illyrian Steppes: South of the Northern Isles. In the Night Court.

Sangravah: A Temple 🛕 was raided here by the King of Hybern for the foot of the cauldron.

Itica: Temple 🛕 raided by the King of Hybern for the foot of the cauldron.

The Black Land: 500 years ago a Fae Kingdom in the southern part of the continent. Sand and lush river delta. No humans were born free. Human slaves built temples and palaces for the High Fae that ruled. Where Miryam was born to her human mother. Most of Hyberns trade routes were here before the war.

Cretea: An Island. Where Miryam and Drakon are hiding with their children after escaping Jurian and Amarantha. Lived faeries and humans united for the past 5 centuries. Azriel found it abandoned, with no trace of them. Warded to look abandoned..

Myrmidons: The mountain range shared with Helion and the Day Court at their borders.

The Middle: It is forbidden to map it. Wild magic still dwells and thrives and feeds. Respected as its own entity. As not to provoke its wrath, they don't map it but for major landmarks.

• Under The Mountain: Where Amarantha fashioned her court, during her reign, after Hewn City.

• The Woods: Has alot or creatures.

• The Bog of Oorid: In the middle of the map. Once a sacred place. Warriors were laid to rest in its dark waters. Changed to a place of darkness. Evil. Only the worse faeries are drawn to it. The water flows to Under The Mountain. Said that the creatures who live in the Bog use the waterways to travel thru the Middle and to other courts. Death, decay, and oppressive air.

• Weavers cottage: near the demarcation line between the solar and seasonal Courts. In the unclaimed land that held Under the Mountain.

3 Sister Peaks:

• The Prision

• Under the Mountain

• Ramiel

HOLIDAYS & RITUALS:

Calanmai: Fire night, a spring ceremony. Faeries can roam where they please for the night, crossing borders. Great Right Passage. Generates magic between all the fae for the spring and year to come. Where/when Feyre first met Rhysand. Tamlin did his great right passage. The High Lord chooses a mate. Happens in the cave. The 3 Picts tried to take Feyre, and Rhys saved her from them.

Tithe: twice a year, around the summer and winter solstice, ALL fae must pay a Tithe depending on their income & status. In return, Tamlin protects and rules them. Those who don't pay in 3 days get hunted down by Tamlin. Not done in the Night court.

Nynsar: "The Day of Seeds and Flowers" Minor spring holiday to celebrate the end of seeding the fields and to pass out the first flower clippings of the season.

Starfall: Only in the Night Court is Starfall celebrated in lieu of Nynsar. Like fireworks but with actual stars falling and shooting all around the sky. Then the music and party starts. They're not stars at all, though; they're spirits on their yearly migration to somewhere.

The Blood Rite: You go into the mountains with no magic or siphons, bound wings, and no supplies or clothes aside from what u already have on, for a week. A few hundred go out, few come back. An Illyrian boy has to go through it before being qualified as a warrior and man. 3-4 from each clan and village are sent to Ramiel, the sacred mountain. Has 3 routes to the top; 1 is the Breaking. Takes place when Arktos, Carynth, and Oristes, the 3 holy stars 🌟, shine above the mountain for one week a year. On the final day of the Rite, they are directly above the mountains peak. If anyone breaks in and helps you, you’re both hunted down and killed for the transgression. No wings or spells or magic at all to be used. Illyrians only posses magic the night before the Blood Rite, to winnow the drugged boys to the mountain, no one knows why. Ramiel takes a full day and night to climb on the last day. Whoever is left standing is a warrior, and depending on where you are when it ends, sorts you into 1 of 3 echelons of warriors (named after the stars).

• Arktosian: don't make it to the mountain but survive.

• Oristian: make it to the mountain but don't reach the top. 12 made it to become this.

• Carynthian: who scale the summit and are considered elite warriors. Only 5 in total (including Az & Cas) have won the Blood Rite. 2 were lost to Hyberns war.

• Touching the Ramiel Stone: only a dozen warriors in 5 centuries to have done it. Winner.

MAGIC AND LORE:

Winnowing: vanishing; only a few high fae can do it.

Daemati: Can walk in another person's mind. Rare. The trait appears as mother wills it. Dangerous to encounter another, more skillfully trained, without proper training urself.

Siphons: stones on the back of hands that filter raw power to transform it into more subtle magic — shields, weapons, arrows, and spears. Allows for magic to be nimble and precise on the battlefield. Only pure blood Illyrians get them. But Cassian and Azriel got them from Rhys mom, even though they were bastards.

Invoking Stones: worn by the Priestesses atop their heads. Similar to Siphons. The power of the mother flows through it. Can't be used for harm – only healing, protecting, and shielding.

Misting: turning something into a mist. A food or other.

Veritas: an orb that belonged to Morrigan's family for millennia. Had truth magic. Most valued and guarded talismans. Had been wielded by humans in the war. It was located in Mors' father's chamber in Hewn City, the Court of Nightmares. Known amongst humans.

The Caludron: Before man, there was a cauldron. All magic was contained inside of it. The world was born in it. Got into the wrong hands, and things were forged with it. Was stolen back. Was hidden and can't be destroyed. Can reforge something dead. It was hidden at the bottom of a frozen lake in Lapplund, then vanished a lon,g long time ago. The 3 feet were cut off, fracturing some of its power. Feet were hidden in 3 different tempels; Cesere, Sangravah, and Itica. Can shatter the wall. Powers can be depleted. When it was forged, the maker used the last of the ore to forge a book, the Book of Breathings.

The Book of Breathings: 2 books. In it are written the spells to negate the Cauldron's powers. Or control it wholly. After the war was split into two pieces. One went to the Fae, and one went to the 6 human Queens. Was part of the treaty. No creature born to the earth can wield it. Only that which was made can speak the spells and summon its power. It could possibly be held by something 'reforged. ' The book with the humans must by given by will, not magic or trickery, otherwise it will melt when touched. The other book is in the Summer Court. Reunite both books and nullify the cauldron.

• 1st Book: Under the stone building on the causeway submerged when the tide was in. In summer court city, Adriata. Made up of dark metal pages. Bound by 3 rings of gold, silver, and bronze. Carved in an unrecognizable language. A language not of this world. The Leshon Hakodesh, The Holy Tongue. Rhys thought the book might contain the spell to free Amren and send her home, if her ppl were the ones to write it in the first place.

• 2nd Book: With the 8 Mortal Queens being protected. It was given to them by the 5th Queen, whom they gave to the attor to slaughter her for doing it.

Eye and Finger Bone of Jurian: said to have his soul still attached. Went missing after Amarantha was killed.

Flame Magic: from Autumn Court

Water Magic: from Summer Court

Ice Magic: from Winter Court? Hoarfrost

Darkness Magic: from Night Court

White Light Magic: from Dawn Court. The gift of healing.

Bloodbane: a poison. The cure is in your blood. Feyre's blood is rich with the healing gift of the High Lord of Dawn. A few mouthfuls. A pink flowered weed sprout by the river will speed up the process, if chewed.

Faebane: Grown in a garden in Hybern. Used to dull or knock out your powers for a few days straight. Blue dust.

Mate: It's an important moment when a woman of a mated pair offers her mate food. Some make a celebration of it so the female can formally offer her mate the food.

The great and terrible object on Cretea: made by the cauldron itself. Can resurrect.

Ouroboros: the Mirror The Bone Carvers sister, The Weaver, Stryga, looked at every day. It was old when they were young. A window to the world. All could be seen through it. Kier possesses it. Is the Carvers price for being wielded in the war, IF they can free him. The frame, a massive serpent around it, eating its tail. Taller than Feyre. Fangs.

Shows who you really are inside.

• The reflection in the Ouroboros mirror: a massive beast of claws and scales, shredding teeth. Fur a blend of black and gold. Not a beast designed to hunt in the mountains. Blue-grey eyes. Scaled tail.

Elain's dream: "Young hands wither with age (the young queen who came out of the caldron old), a box of black stone, a feather on fire lands on snow and melts it (the Kings ravens who came to the library). It was so angry that something was taken (what Nesta took) that it took something from them as punishment. Twin ravens are coming, 1 white 1 black."

It was about the 2 Queens that went into the cauldron. Nesta took something from the cauldron. So it took what the youngest Queen valued most, her youth. She was old and wrinkled when she came out.

The Suriel's message: "Tell the silver-eyed messager the answer lies in the second (book) and penultimate (second to last) pages of the book. Together (all who were made, 4) they hold the key." *Elain, Nesta, Feyre, and Amren*

The Gwyndion Sword: the last one Made. Went missing around the time the last of the Trove went missing. Created with magic. No one has been able to create a magic sword in more than 10k years. High Priestess Oleanna dipped it into the Cauldron during its crafting.

The Great Sword / Ataraxia: Means inner peace. Nesta fashioned when she hammered the 3 swords at the blacksmiths shop with Cassian. Has the emotions embedded that she felt when hammering. The Great Sword is the strongest. Now, it's a new part of the Dread Trove. Dropped off by the blacksmith, who says they are cursed. A Sword, a Dagger, and a Great Sword. The name is from an old language. From a book Nesta found in the library. A death sword. Killed Lanthys after it made him bind to a physical form.

Narben Sword: Amarantha had disposed of it in the sea so the King of Hybern wouldn't get his hands on it. She couldn't hold it, nor could any of her commanders. Older than Gwydion. A death sword that can slay even monsters like Lanthys.

Mind-stilling: a Valkyrie method of breathing and meditation.

Age of Legends: a time when the land was full of heroic figures who hunted down the last members of their former masters' race. When an old God ruled. Amrens time.

Wild Hunt: Lanthys wants to resurrect this. Riders on horses and beasts would kill as they pleased. On beasts, they called hounds. The beasts looked like the ones carved into Hewn City's pillars.

The Dread Trove: The cauldron made many objects of power. Many lost to history and war. When Amren went into the prison, only 3 remained. Some claimed 4 though, or claimed the 4th was unmade. Rumored to be in Prythian. 10k years since anyone used it. Like calls to like, and like is not influenced by them.

• The Mask: can raise the dead. A death mask, molded from a forgotten King. Wear it and summon the dead to march in your army. Found by Nesta in the Bog Oorid.

• The Harp: Can open any door, physical or otherwise. Between worlds. Beneath the prison. Nesta saw the vision while at the religious services under the mountain in Velaris.

• The Crown: Can influence anyone. Pierce through mental shields. Requires close proximity to sink in its claws, though. Can make your enemies do your bidding.

• Ancient Bone: a 4th Trove spelled to shield its whereabouts.

To categorize a few — there are the adults who we can rely on for stability and assurances, who exhibit healthy habits and are largely self-aware of how their actions affect those around them. These adults are typically sober, accountable, consistent, dependable, emotionally mature, and demonstrate overall competence. On the other hand, you may have more permissive adults. Adults that blur the lines between adolescence and adulthood and create a dangerous allure for young people. I feel the general curiosity of children is vulnerable to these emotionally immature adults, reason being that as children we are naturally emotionally immature, driven by raw feelings that guide our survival. These adults, emotionally stunted themselves, often mirror our impulsive curiosity and desire for freedom, making them seem more like peers rather than guides. Our desire to be liked by our peers can drive much of our decision-making as adolescents. But this naivety can lead us down a path where we can adopt these particular adults’ toxic habits, mistaking them for the freedom and possibly the escape we crave as adolescents. One might not realize that these adults are typically those who struggle greatly with adulthood and making healthy choices for themselves and the families they claim to lead. In contrast, the 'boring' adults you dismiss in your youth—those who prioritize emotional stability, responsibility, and consistency—may have life figured out far more than they’re given credit for.

It’s possible in a toxic family such as this a majority of its members are extremely chaotic, often exhibiting poor emotional maturity. Some can deal with frequent evictions, personal hardships, frequent job loss, and tend to have reoccurring emergencies that oftentimes need interference from other family members. Hypersexuality and a heavy emphasis on men — dating, marrying, and sleeping with them, is a prominent theme, being that there is little encouragement for self-exploration and education outside of the offerings of a man. Alcoholism is another common theme in a family unit such as this. Often leading to disruptions at family functions such as screaming, arguing, fighting, and aggression to name a few. The dynamic of alcoholism/substance abuse paired with heavy misogyny and poor emotional maturity can be especially harmful to the female children in these families. These adults presenting dysfunction and unpredictability alongside unhealthy coping mechanisms reinforce in children that this is normal behavior for adults to exhibit. There may also be more functioning substance abusers in this family dynamic. These members are equally as unreliable, untrustworthy, and irresponsible even with the seemingly large amount of effort they put into their daily lives. These adults spend a majority of their time recovering from a forgetful prior night. The likelihood these same adults are transporting children around daily, while on intoxicating substances, is also very high. Some adults struggle greatly with allocating their time properly to bathe, feed, and guide the children. They may spend the majority of their funds and available free time buying and using substances instead of making sure their child has proper nutrition and access to mental health services. These adults mainly use negative coping habits they learned from their own childhoods. It’s possible some of these adults I’ve described have, while intoxicated, had completely inappropriate conversations with you about their adult experiences, sexual or otherwise when no one else was around. There are also adults who have extreme emotional outbursts, often unprompted and alarming to the family as a whole. These specific emotionally immature adults leave their environments and children in a cycle of fight-or-flight, extremely on edge, and scared to speak out about specific needs. Something all these adults tend to have in common is abuse, neglect, repetitive cycles of bad habits, and poor emotional maturity. Even if these habits have proven not to work in the past. These adults neglect not only their own well-being but also the emotional and physical needs of their children and family.

I believe that role modeling for children can start as early as the first family gathering around those children. With a large percentage of these interactions being chaotic, and having no productive, appropriate conversation and encouragement, the likelihood these children will go on to exhibit these exact unhealthy coping mechanisms and habits in the future is high. Your foundational years are imperative to healthy habit-building. That starts at home, with routines and how willing and patient parents are to teach healthy habits alongside emotional maturity. How willing parents are to shield their children from others who are not good influences and do not exhibit emotional maturity speaks volumes of their own emotional maturity, as well as how willing they may be in the future to seek help when they lack the tools to raise those children in a healthy environment.

Over time, you may come to view these adults as immature, selfish, and lacking in character—making poor decisions for themselves and their children. Such adults often fail to provide the support, encouragement, or reliability needed during formative years, remaining stuck in a cycle of emotional immaturity that makes them incapable of offering meaningful guidance to us. You may grow to resent the people you once hoped to admire, longing for their guidance and support. Over time, you may also start to resent the seemingly supportive but complicit adults in your family as well—the ones who enable, defend, deflect, and perpetuate these harmful dynamics in more passive ways. These behaviors are equally damaging, fostering an environment devoid of reliable guidance and true emotional connection. While these family members focus on those constantly in chaos, they inadvertently neglect others who also need guidance, creating an atmosphere of imbalance and oversight.

Observing these adults day-to-day has a significant impact on us — shaping our upbringing and influencing our future. These impressions affect the family dynamics we create, our habits, and our level of emotional maturity. These habits can become such an integral part of our foundational upbringing that we go on to repeat them as adults. Some of these children grow into adulthood repeating these patterns, perpetuating toxic cycles within their own family units and passing them down to future generations. Others, however, become outliers—choosing a different path, developing greater emotional maturity, and building healthier habits for a more stable future. With therapy, proper guidance, and active self-awareness, you may begin to recognize these patterns and gain clarity on how others' behaviors contribute to the perpetual cycle of harm in family units. This understanding empowers you to break free from these cycles, fostering healthier relationships and creating a future built on emotional resilience and growth.

So, you take off the metaphorical glasses and view family dynamics through a new lens for the first time. This is where the cycle ends—with you. By breaking free and embracing your own path, you become the architect of a future built not on the pain or patterns of the past, but on the strength, self-awareness, and resilience cultivated in the present that will propel you into the future.

Common themes of families with prominent family members exhibiting poor emotional immaturity; addiction, substance abuse, misogyny, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, neglect, lack of routine, lack of healthy habits, poor hygiene, poor mental health, poor overall health, poor diet, and nutrition, improper communication, improper guidance and advice, low importance of higher education, low importance of exercise, lack of use of mental health services even when available, financial insecurity, hypersexuality, co-dependence, impulsive behavior, violent behavior, poor communication skills, rage, anger, aggression, misunderstanding, manipulation, enablement.

Names, characters, and incidents explored in these writings are purely the authors’ imagination, meant to elaborate on the theme. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, or incidents, is entirely coincidental.

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